|
|
|
Marriage If the idea of marriage were natural, then this institution would be a much better success than it is presently. It has failure rate approaching 60% that legalize the end of the union. Lawyers profit from the breakup, the male pays the high end of the arrangement and both suffer the failure and stigma. As for the marriages that stay together, most are held that way by social or religious bonds that over time, are reduced to silence. Only a small percentage of marriages attain a degree of success usually brought about by the female's penchant for surrender and compromise and sometimes by the male's ability to compromise and hold his tongue. All of this makes one wonder if it is possible for a male and female to live under one roof, raise a family and live in peace. Of course statistics do not support the dream of 'living happily ever after." So, is it possible, or better still, is it necessary to get married the way we do, or are we just blindly following the dictates of religions or other social pressures? As we have written about self-healing many times, the physical and psychological preparation for the full enjoyment of life is necessary. We like to think that marriage, sharing a life together and creating children add pleasure to our life. However, when we give it serious thought, it reveals complexities beyond our comprehension, complexities that we are ill equipped to handle. And if we enter these unions while we are congested and irritated, they are doomed to failure in varying degrees, some manageable and some violently unmanageable. And then for society and religion to expect conformity is to add further burden to the participants. In order to have an enriching relationship we must understand and practice a healing life, not for one but both partners. Women seem to contribute much more to the marriage than men are capable of although both men and women are victims of culture and have been raised and indoctrinated unrealistically with unfair expectations. The female must understand that most men in courtship are driven by ego and a conquering hyper sexual energy. They are turned on by cleavage, hips, lips and various other physical attributes. Men do not understand women. As a matter of fact, men say they never understand women, but they continue to crave her because of their hyper sexual needs and ego voids. And if men do not understand a woman, then that man will be a poor risk, especially in the personal confines and demands of a marriage. If you are presently in a serious relationship, and considering a long-term union, it is highly recommended that becoming clean and healthy as a very important pre-requisite. When the body is healthy and strong, the mind is clear and the mentality is more in balance. If you are presently in a marriage and struggling to save it, step back and take a long honest look and see how you have contributed to the failure of the union by trying to live up to unfair and wrong concepts that we have inherited from our ancestors --- the same ancestors that predispose us to all manner of physical and mental disunity. They are certainly not qualified to dictate our marriage nor our relationship with our children. Mutually back off and try a little kindness with each other. Don't blame, forgive, that's where to begin. Healing will deal with the mental scar as well. Also, don't forget that the love that you once shared needs to be remembered --- why did it fail? Was it a house of cards from the beginning? The idea of a male and female coming together equally and in love is a major accomplishment because it raises the status of the union which lifts the status of the children, and sets a very important example for them to observe and follow. However, for thousands of years we have all suffered from a mating game which is influenced by hyper-sexual needs, social demands and a lack of personal security and know-how. And today the rules of the game are further perpetuated by the insanity of the entertainment industry which portrays the women as more astute, and the men driven by their sexual needs and a general lack of awareness. Marriage as we know it, is in too many cases, putting a fatal scar on the reality of love. Nothing must get in the way of our personal awareness. We can only grow together after we have grown within and become a caring person. If we don't love to care for ourselves, our life will have emptiness, and how then can we care for others? After years of my stumbling around in the relationship world, certain principles have become apparent. Living together strains and fractures the delicate tissue of the new love. The stress and strain of so much compromise smothers the feelings and pushes love out of existence. The other one is: Don't look for ways to control. Both are ingredients of failure. When a love is born, it is destined to grow. I believe that it is a law that love was never intended to die. Its birth is proof of that, and if love dies, nothing natural killed it. The day I recognized the role of the sinuses, was the day I knew that we indeed are a passport to each other. Our sinuses recognize each other's genetic compatibility. That's why we love, because compatibility is the biggest ingredient to happiness. Isn't that what we crave? But when we try to have such a relationship without our self-healing, unions born out of such circumstances are in constant struggle for survival. The chances of long-term success are very low if we don't appreciate each other's uniqueness and dignity. Our ability to create and to reason is the true tool to contentment. As we heal, we will not use old props nor play gender roles. The men will be themselves and not someone they admire, and the only muscle they need is the muscle to move with grace. And the women, who already have some grace, will not squander it in the wasted energy of deception. We are the whole of the parts that we crave for in each other, not because of need but because there is no need. And, we have the ability to recognize those parts that crave each other's presence. Behold a soul mate. There is a very high point in the relationship when happiness fills the air and appetite for food is suspended. You have risen in love. I believe it is very wise not to go beyond that feeling, trying to make it better; chances are it won't work and the relationship will be injured. So, first of all, don't live together until total compatibility has been reached, for living together is the biggest assault on marriages. Living next door to each other has many benefits and makes more sense as the natural merger of two hearts become complete. The gospel says, "love your neighbor as yourself". Maybe that is as close as we need to be. But, unless we first love ourselves, how can we extend that love to others and how can we expect others to love us? Hence, it is of utmost importance to maintain our own personal independence, for this is not only the strength, but the platform to develop a higher awareness. To respect each other's freedom and privacy will preserve this beautiful love and then, love each other more than we need each other. Good neighbors who have beautiful interludes of giving and receiving will always be good neighbors and the love will grow and be perennial because that's what love does. And finally, be in the moment. The marriage depends on it. When we peer into the future, or live out of the past, we dilute the moment and its meaning. Cleaning and healing ourselves bring us home to the moment. Have a great life! All the very best, |